Mama Challenges: I Can Do This

I have to write this post while I'm feeling the title... Currently, Zoe is at Boppa's house, Mike is napping, Max is on the boob, and I'm typing on my iPhone. AND the house is picked up. AND the dishes are done. AND there's a load of laundry in the wash. AND I even made a batch of

home made peanut butter balls for snacking. (Recipe later...)

Now if only I could shower, my day as a mom-o-2 (or 3 depending on how you count) could probably not get any better!

I need to write "I can do this" today, mostly to myself. I need to use today as an example. To be honest, the past 3 weeks have been pretty overwhelming for me. It's been harder than I thought to adjust to this new phase of life. It's hard for several reasons:

1. Lack of sleep- Max wakes up to eat at least every 3 hours, and eats for relatively long for a newborn. Add in burping, diaper changing, and getting him back to sleep- that's about one out of every 3 hours of sleep missed. Plus, trying to make sure to do all of that silently to give Mike the opportunity to sleep as well as possible. (Max sleeps in the room with us.)

2. Lack of exercise- Boy oh boy I am missing my old friends, endorphins!

3. Boredom/guilt- you're supposed to keep a newborn out of public places as

much as possible since their immune system is so new. But I can't just sit around all day, plus Mike has his 4 weeks of paternity leave (yay European company!) and we want to do some things as a family that are entertaining for Zoe. So we've done a few things like go to the zoo and B&N. It's so exciting to get out of the house...then as soon as we're out, I'm stressing because what if Max gets a disease?! It's been hard to balance his needs and mine.

4. Hormones/post-partum depression?

As I type the list out, again I feel a surge of "I can do this." All of these items are identifiable, and are getting better by the day. I got cleared by the doctor today to start easing back into exercise (yay!!) with the caveat to "listen to my body." Max is getting stronger every day. The stress of the new life is starting to make way for the stress of the new normal. Mike, Yaya and Boppa are all here to support me, Max, and Zoe. I don't have to do everything by myself.

I (we) can do this!

xoxo Phae

Feaga, Family of Four (or) Max's Birth Story

Max, minutes old

Max is here!  It's a boy!  Praise God for our son's healthy birth.

Here's the story of how Max came into the world 3 weeks early and why I haven't posted anything for a while.  (It's kinda hard to type one-handed, with a newborn in the other arm.)

Wednesday, May 29, 9am: Go to the hospital to get the version procedure done, since Max was breech and we wanted to have a natural delivery. My OB, Dr. Davis, and her practice partner, Dr. Patolia, do the procedure.  It's straightforward and unsophisticated: get a muscle relaxer so my uterus doesn't contract, and the doctors push on the baby from the outside of my stomach to try to flip the baby to head-down position. (Yes, it's quite uncomfortable.) Success! Baby is head-down!  Now, hope the baby stays head-down until delivery.  Otherwise you are going to have a c-section.  The version basically has a 50/50 chance of working, so I'm cautiously optimistic, but am already started to mentally prepare for a c-section, just in case.

Thursday May 30- Friday May 31: Contractions consistently every 7-10 minutes for these two days. No big deal, but by Friday afternoon they're starting to be more painful, so I thought it would be smart to go in to the hospital to get monitored and checked to make sure everything was ok. After work on Friday: have some leisurely dinner, take Zoe to Menchie's for some frozen yogurt (...or a cup of candy toppings with no frozen yogurt...so embarrassing as a mom who cares a lot about nutrition!), and call the doctor to tell them what's going on.  Dr. Patolia is on call for the weekend - she's more agressive than Dr. Davis.

Friday, 8 pm: Arrive at hospital, get hooked up to the monitor to confirm contractions. Check dilation - about 4 cm. Dr. Patolia wants to hook me up to pitocin right away and start inducing labor.  Mike and I aren't convinced this is necessary, so we tried to bounce on the birth ball and walk around the hospital hallways to try and get labor to come on more naturally.  

Saturday June 1, 2 am: Still only 4 cm dilated, so agree to a small dose of pitocin (smaller than what Dr. Patolia ordered.) I had an epidural-free birth with Zoe and I wanted the same experience for this baby.  I was afraid that too high a dose of pitocin would make the contractions too un-naturally painful, which would lead me to want an epidural.  The nurse obliged and left the dosage low, but the contractions didn't come on much stronger or closer together.

Saturday, 4 am: I begin to think maybe we should just go home and wait until labor came on more naturally. If a dose of pitocin isn't making anything happen, maybe the baby isn't ready to come out yet.  However - we're already at the hospital with an IV hooked up, I've gone though 2 bags of penicillin (to protect the baby from strep B virus, which I had with my first pregnancy), and I am 4 cm dilated. Plus, we don't want the baby to flip back around again.  I'm already starting to be hungry and sleep deprived, so I discuss with Mike, and call my mom (she's a labor and delivery nurse) several times to get their opinions.  Ask mom to come to hospital to help. Discuss with nurse and resident doctor.  All parties say they could go either way and its up to me. I feel frustrated and kind of just want someone to tell me what to do.

Saturday, 5-7 am: Change mind 100 times back and forth about staying.

Saturday, 7 am: Finally decide to stay and have the baby. Irreversibly go into much more active labor by having the doctor break my water.  Dread labor because I've already stayed up all night with no sleep or food, and I'm already super-tired.

Saturday, 7 am-11 am:  My husband and mom help and coach me through the hardest part of labor.  I feel exhausted, and actually doze off between contractions.  Mentally and physically I feel a lot less motivated than I did with Zoe's birth.  I'm unsure why I want an epidural-free labor.

Saturday, 11 am:  I think I want the epidural.  Mike and Mom advise me to see how far I've progressed, next time the nurse checks - if I'm 7+ cm, let's power through.  If I still haven't made much progress, we can get the epidural.  Ok, I agree.

Saturday, 11:15 am:  I'm 7+ cm dilated.  We're powering through!  Woo hoo?

Saturday, 12:22 pm: (Sparing the audience all of the details of pushing) Maxwell Keith Feaga arrives! 6 lb, 10 oz and 20.5" long.  I see his wiener and am so relieved it's a boy and I am not going to have to do this again!  (Reserving the right to change my mind!!) We have one boy and one girl, what we believe will be the right family unit for us.  Despite being "late-preterm" (36 weeks 5 days, whereas 37 weeks is considered full term) Max is wonderfully healthy, nurses like a champ, and has no problems - thank God!  He's my 2nd most favorite man in the whole wide living world. 

The little man all snazzed up to go home from the hospital

2 weeks old

Now, two and a half weeks later - we're still getting then hang of our new life.  I'm sure I'll write more posts about life with a newborn...

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement throughout the pregnancy, delivery, and recovery!

xoxo Phae (+ Mike + Z + M)