The Mommy Comeback to 26.2

Team Purple!

Sunday, February 14th, 2016, on my eldest child's 5th birthday, I ran my 8th full marathon! 26.2 miles! In Austin, my new city! It was my slowest marathon ever! But do you know what one's slowest marathon is? It's a personal record for the most continuous minutes of running EVER! Woo hoo!

The Good
I ran with my sister. We dressed as twinsies with purple shirts and black spandex. It was a blast. People on the sidelines love twinsie runners and they were calling us "Team Purple" and it made running by the spectators super fun.

Mile 18 shenanigans with the kiddos

Not having a time expectation (like my previous 6 marathons) took so much pressure off that I just smiled and waved and looked at the signs. The miles just kept coming by.

The weather was great - cloudy, not too hot, not too cold, no rain. Apparently some people thought it was humid but I felt great.

We drank just the right amount of water and Gatorade, took our energy gummies at just the right times, and I felt like I had just the right amount of energy throughout the race.

I ran the Austin marathon in 2009 and I remembered what the hilliness of the course was like. Everyone talks about this marathon in a scary way for this reason. For a native western-PA girl they really aren't bad. They are either kinda long but really not-steep, or short and kinda steep.

Seeing the kids and the husband and our parents at mile 18 was so much fun. It gave me such a burst of happiness to see them! I highly recommend running a lot of marathons, then not running marathons while having two kids over 6 years, then making a marvelous comeback to the distance and making sure said kids are there to cheer for you and feed you your gummies and offer you a sip of their birthday hot chocolate. It's very invigorating.

The Bad
I kind of pulled my hamstring/IT band in my last short/long run one week before the race, because I'm dumb and I was feeling good and wanted to try and run my 10 miles fast. So I did and I aggravated the ongoing injury. and so it hurt pretty bad during the race. However, since I wasn't pushing for a PR, I was able to take it easy. Also I took some ibuprofen around mile 20 that helped.

My 7th marathon was almost 6 years ago. That means it almost felt like my first marathon all over again, so I was suuuuper anxious leading up to the race. Anxious that I would fail, anxious that I would run super slow, or whatever.

My lowest mental point in the race was when we passed the 30K mark at around 3:38. That is my marathon PR (January '09) and seeing that we still had 12K left to go just made me feel really slow and like I will never get back to my pre-kids speed (Only time will tell, eh?), and what's the point in doing something if you're not getting better at it? (P.S. I mention this because it was my lowest point, but for most of the race I just felt really proud of myself for getting back out there after kids, and accepting the season I'm in and respecting the journey)

The Ugly
There was no ugly because I did my hair in a cute braid ponytail combo and it actually looked pretty good throughout the race. :)

Marathon hair

...I did sort of ugly-cry in an emotional way after we crossed the finish line. Marathon #8, and marathon #1 post-kids, is in the books, folks.

xoxo Phae

Austin Marathon 2016 Finishers!

Parenting Post: Kind Words

I've been doing a parenting experiment lately.

Well, isn't all of parenting one big experiment, with the number of data points equal to the number of children you have, and all of the input variables constantly changing, and certainly not double-blind, and therefore you never really know whether or not your results are credible?

Anyway. This particular experiment is one where I have been choosing to go out of my way to build up the children's confidence and sense of self-worth. I use words as often as I can to tell them amazing, wonderful things about their person. I praise their positive behaviors, I tell them how beautiful and adorable they are, but most of all I just try to tell them I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

This experiment is difficult for me for a few reasons:
1. When teaching small humans about life, a lot of times you have to tell them what NOT to do (i.e. using negative language. I know there are tactics for "redirecting" like if kids are running, instead of saying "Don't run" you can say "Please walk", but that doesn't work in some situations.)
2. Although Words Of Affirmation is my love language for receiving love, I actually find it challenging to express love this way. There is some kind of a thick barrier between my brain and my mouth so I just think "I am so proud of Zoe for sticking with that project until the end, that showed such mature perseverance", and then stop there. My natural tendency isn't to push past the barrier and actually say it. So in order to execute my experiment, I have to get out of my comfort zone, register that these thoughts are occurring, and take the time to say them to my children.

So, I've been working on it. By no means am I perfect at it, and some days are better than others. Some days you just have to be negative all day long: "Can I have candy?" "no." "Can I have candy now?" "no." "But I really want candy" "NO."

But:

I can see the way her eyes light up and her sweet mouth curls into a smile when I squat down, look into her eyes and say in an almost-whisper "Z, can I tell you something? I love you so much. You are my favorite little girl on the whole planet. You are wonderful and kind and I love you so much."

I can see her feeling smart when I say "Z! Look at you learning how to spell! I'm so proud of how hard you are working on sounding out words!"

I can see her feeling good when I say "Guys! I love how you are playing together so nicely and taking turns with the markers."

I can see her pride when I say "I can't wait to wear this necklace/bracelet thingy that you made!"

I can see her confidence growing when I say "Thank you so much for getting ready by yourself! You did the buttons, you got your shoes on, you washed your hands and brushed your teeth! Think about all those things you did on your own when I had to do them for you just a little bit ago! You are such a capable young lady."

The older the kiddos get, the more they will be venturing outside of our home. I can't shelter them from the difficulties and challenges of the world.  But I can do my best to equip them with a positive sense of self and a safe, loving, comforting home to return to. And I'll work hard to tell them that.

xoxo Phae

Frugal Fun: Halloween Costume Ideas

Oh, hi.

I had a baby, transitioned to stay-at-home-mom (for a year....?), and have been working on adjusting to life with a toddler and an infant.

So, here we are back in the saddle of writing a blog.  I was inspired by my friend Sara (Feeding the Soil) in two ways for this post: 1) she has also gone through all of the above and more - she's opening Austin's first public Montessori school next fall, NBD... and 2) she just posted about Halloween costume ideas for her toddler and baby.  She is super-creative and crafty and makes her costumes from scratch each year. Ugh, talk about an admiration/jealousy combination.  So far I've managed to come up with original costumes for Zoe that did not require any affinity for crafting, or really more than an hour or two of thought for that matter.  I'm hoping to keep this up as long as possible, but this year is going to be a bit more of a challenge than previous years:

The first year, I dressed her up as Rosie the Riveter (TOUGH GIRL POWER!  My daughter is going to be an engineer/architect/tomboy, dangit, none of this princess girly-girl pink business.) This costume involved buying her a boy's plaid shirt, and borrowing a strip of red cloth. Sweet.

The second year, I dressed her up as a cat which is one of her favorite things, despite the fact that her most frequent experience with a cat is my sister-in-law's cat Emma, who runs and hides every time Zoe comes to their house.  This costume involved wearing a conglomerate of items she already had, adding the cat accessories, then drawing on her face with eyeliner.

Well, this year Zoe's favorite thing is Rapunzel, Cinderella, dancing and twirling (um, oops...how did that happen?).  Now, I am totally OK with watching the movies and playing dress-up and singing the songs.  But there is something about buying a pre-done cheaply-made polyester costume from the Disney store that I just can't get on board with.  I mean, Rapunzel didn't wear a dress with a plastic brooch encrusted with her own face.  So...what to do.  I'm not really crafty (ahem...even though my next post is going to be about dyeing my wedding dress...) so I'm thinking maybe I can just find a twirly dress at Thread or Goodwill and then make a paper tiara or something.  It may not be obviously Rapunzel but Zoe can just tell the people when she trick-or-treats and it will be super adorable.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!  Now I have another kid.  Shoot.  My visions of keeping Halloween prep to a minimum are being ever thwarted.

Maybe I can try to dress Max up like Rapunzel's chameleon sidekick, Pascal, or maybe her trusty Frying Pan.   Both of those would involve a single-color onesie and then using some construction paper or cardboard to complete the outfit.

Any other ideas?

Mama Challenges: I Can Do This

I have to write this post while I'm feeling the title... Currently, Zoe is at Boppa's house, Mike is napping, Max is on the boob, and I'm typing on my iPhone. AND the house is picked up. AND the dishes are done. AND there's a load of laundry in the wash. AND I even made a batch of

home made peanut butter balls for snacking. (Recipe later...)

Now if only I could shower, my day as a mom-o-2 (or 3 depending on how you count) could probably not get any better!

I need to write "I can do this" today, mostly to myself. I need to use today as an example. To be honest, the past 3 weeks have been pretty overwhelming for me. It's been harder than I thought to adjust to this new phase of life. It's hard for several reasons:

1. Lack of sleep- Max wakes up to eat at least every 3 hours, and eats for relatively long for a newborn. Add in burping, diaper changing, and getting him back to sleep- that's about one out of every 3 hours of sleep missed. Plus, trying to make sure to do all of that silently to give Mike the opportunity to sleep as well as possible. (Max sleeps in the room with us.)

2. Lack of exercise- Boy oh boy I am missing my old friends, endorphins!

3. Boredom/guilt- you're supposed to keep a newborn out of public places as

much as possible since their immune system is so new. But I can't just sit around all day, plus Mike has his 4 weeks of paternity leave (yay European company!) and we want to do some things as a family that are entertaining for Zoe. So we've done a few things like go to the zoo and B&N. It's so exciting to get out of the house...then as soon as we're out, I'm stressing because what if Max gets a disease?! It's been hard to balance his needs and mine.

4. Hormones/post-partum depression?

As I type the list out, again I feel a surge of "I can do this." All of these items are identifiable, and are getting better by the day. I got cleared by the doctor today to start easing back into exercise (yay!!) with the caveat to "listen to my body." Max is getting stronger every day. The stress of the new life is starting to make way for the stress of the new normal. Mike, Yaya and Boppa are all here to support me, Max, and Zoe. I don't have to do everything by myself.

I (we) can do this!

xoxo Phae

Mama Daughter Dates



"I yuv Menchie's" (this wasn't actually a Menchie's but a similar chain)



One of the most delightful things is taking Zoe on mama/daughter dates. Now, of course we have a lot of 1:1 time, but most often it's doing chores, errands, or everyday life activities like making dinner and getting ready for bed.

Not that those things aren't fun! They are! We usually end up laughing and making a mess. But mama always has an undertone of stress during this "everyday" time together since we are usually trying to keep to some sort of schedule, and/or I'm trying to prevent the entire container of salt/cereal/juice from being poured into a toddler cup of milk and onto/into all adjacent surfaces/crevices/drawers.

That's why mommy/daughter dates are so awesome! We get to go do fun things on our own schedule. No agenda or timeline.  Mama is relaxed, so Zoe is relaxed.  We aren't in the house, so we can make a mess without me stressing about cleaning it up right away.  We get to enjoy new and old things together.  We may even have learning opportunities (one of our spots is Barnes & Noble) to share together!


Playing with the trains at B&N

Zoe's Whole Foods lunch that she picked "all by self"

I think it's super important to HAVE FUN with your child as they grow up.  I can feel the tendency in myself (and I can observe it in others) to just "be the boss" and command your child to do what you say.  But I do my best to fight these tendencies (unless it has to do with safety!!) in everyday life, and to give myself a chance to be Zoe's friend by going on these "dates" with her.  As they say, "the days are long but the years are short," - so I suggest you take a few hours every once in a while to move at your child's pace, loving them, appreciating them, and observing who they are at a given age.  "It won't be like this for long," says Darius Rucker...

What's your favorite "mommy kiddo date"?

xoxo Phae

Letter to a Role Model: Patty Papas

In typical fashion, I am not on time for this post, as it would have been appropriate to post on Mother's Day. So, oops. No excuses, just humanity at its finest (or most mediocre?)

 

Patricia Papas cruisin' around Galveston, TX

Patty Papas is my MOMMY!

Here is a list of attributes that I admire about my mom, and things I try to emulate:

1. She started the married-name-alliteration trend. (Patty Nemanic --> Patty Papas) So hot right now. (Phae Papas --> Phae Feaga and also my college roomie/soul mate Dessie Xenakis --> Dessie Dobbins)

....but seriously, though:

2. She's never afraid to try new things and continuously challenge herself.  She ran her first full marathon at age 50! "Can't teach an old dog new tricks" is definitely not in her vocab. (Not that she's old!!)

Mom and Dad after the 2013 Austin half

3. She is probably the most patient woman I've ever met. I don't think I knew this until I was a parent of a toddler and realized she RARELY lost her temper with my siblings and I, even when we were being totally obnoxious.  She takes care of Zoe, and I think this go-round she's even MORE patient (if that's possible.)

4. She makes life-long health a priority.  She's a labor &delivery nurse, so her schedule is never in a set routine.  Sometimes she runs at 5 am before her 12-hr shift, sometimes she'll consider playing with Zoe and walking to the park her workout for the day, sometimes she does a workout video at 11 am on her day off.  Regardless of when or where her exercise happens during the day (or when it doesn't), she's happy to fit it in.

5. She puts the needs of others before her own in a Christ-like way.  She's always taking care of others despite the fact that she hasn't eaten, slept, or peed for 13 hours.  One particular example that is on my mind lately: she stayed home with my siblings and I when we were little (until the youngest was 5 and off to kindergarten), putting her nursing career on hold in order to care for us, be present in our lives, teach us, and LOVE US like only a Mama can.  This is particularly relevant in my life right now since I'm on the brink of this decision myself.

6. She is super easy-going.  She's always up for anything, no matter what the activity.  If it's not her favorite, no big deal.  She's happy to be spending time with people she loves. 

7. She's an artist's muse.

Patty the mermaid

8. She knows how to french braid.

Mom, me, Reney, & Zoe sporting Mom's handiwork

9. My dad's the cook of the family, and my mom is the baker!  She bakes the best pastries, fresh home-made wheat breads, and blueberry muffins.  And she's generous enough to pass along the skillz! 

Teaching Zoe how to bake her divine oatmeal cookies



10.  She knows how to unwind and relax!  Stress management is such an important aspect of health.  It's not often discussed (maybe I should do another post about this) - but it is definitely a pillar in the balance of overall health.  Patty P. can unwind with the best of 'em, with or without alcohol (I don't want to imply that alcohol is necessary to relax) - - but especially with some red wine or tequila.  Next time you see her, bring her a sample of either of those and you will definitely win her favor... :)



At Noah's wedding

I love you Mama...
xoxo Phae

Mama Challenges: The Toddler in Church

Disclaimer: I have no idea if we're doing this the "right way," if there is a "right way," nor do I always feel successful after a Liturgy with Zoe.

Zoe in church holding her St. Zoe icon

Here's where we are right now with the 2 year 3 month old... A typical Sunday morning:

Mama: "we're going to church. Do we talk loud in church or in a whisper?"

Zoe: "....whisper."

Mama: "that's right! Can you practice a whisper voice?"

Zoe (whisper): "whisper voice"

Mama: "great. Let's talk like that while we're in church"

....in church....

Zoe (super-loud voice throughout Liturgy):

"There's Saint Joseph!"

"What's that man do-nin?" (doing)

"I want to dance in circles"

"The curtains are closed!"

"I want a snack"

"What's that?"

...and various other appropriate/inappropriate comments.

During an evening weekday service this year during Lent, I had just driven 60 miles (half of which was in traffic) across the entire city of Houston, with Zoe in tow, frantically working to get to church on time, hungry, tired, and stressed.  We finally made it into church which was beautifully calming and silent.  I was so happy to be there!  Then Zoe piped up with some loud comment, and one of the old ladies in church turned to us and said, "SHHHHHHHH!"

.... thanks, lady, you just sent the pregnant girl to the bathroom to cry in the stall. (..snifff.."Why do I even try?!")

It is so challenging sometimes to make it through a church service and feel like Zoe got something out of it, I got something out of it, and we are all in one piece at the end.  I want to reaffirm my goals/thoughts on the topic here.

• We are there to raise our child in the church, and teach her about worship.  If we feel like giving up and that it's easier to stay at home (which it is), remember what we are doing it for!  We've committed as a family to make Christ the center of our lives, and this is a huge part of that.
• Remember it's OK that she talks out loud sometimes.  Particularly when she makes loud comments about the service or church itself ("There's Jesus!" while pointing to an icon of Jesus.)  That means she's learning!  We can keep working on the "whisper" thing. 
• Be patient.
• Also remember that it's OK if she's not paying attention the entire service - bring books, stickers, and other quiet activities for her to do.
• Engage her as much as possible in the service and continue to teach her the songs and prayers.  Rephrase the gospel in terms she'll understand.  This not only assures she learns something, but it makes sure I am paying attention, too!
• BE PATIENT!



She's two.

• She's two years old.
• Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14)

Any thoughts or advice from those older, wiser, or also struggling?

Christ is (still) risen!

xoxo Phae