Parenting Post: Kind Words

I've been doing a parenting experiment lately.

Well, isn't all of parenting one big experiment, with the number of data points equal to the number of children you have, and all of the input variables constantly changing, and certainly not double-blind, and therefore you never really know whether or not your results are credible?

Anyway. This particular experiment is one where I have been choosing to go out of my way to build up the children's confidence and sense of self-worth. I use words as often as I can to tell them amazing, wonderful things about their person. I praise their positive behaviors, I tell them how beautiful and adorable they are, but most of all I just try to tell them I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

This experiment is difficult for me for a few reasons:
1. When teaching small humans about life, a lot of times you have to tell them what NOT to do (i.e. using negative language. I know there are tactics for "redirecting" like if kids are running, instead of saying "Don't run" you can say "Please walk", but that doesn't work in some situations.)
2. Although Words Of Affirmation is my love language for receiving love, I actually find it challenging to express love this way. There is some kind of a thick barrier between my brain and my mouth so I just think "I am so proud of Zoe for sticking with that project until the end, that showed such mature perseverance", and then stop there. My natural tendency isn't to push past the barrier and actually say it. So in order to execute my experiment, I have to get out of my comfort zone, register that these thoughts are occurring, and take the time to say them to my children.

So, I've been working on it. By no means am I perfect at it, and some days are better than others. Some days you just have to be negative all day long: "Can I have candy?" "no." "Can I have candy now?" "no." "But I really want candy" "NO."

But:

I can see the way her eyes light up and her sweet mouth curls into a smile when I squat down, look into her eyes and say in an almost-whisper "Z, can I tell you something? I love you so much. You are my favorite little girl on the whole planet. You are wonderful and kind and I love you so much."

I can see her feeling smart when I say "Z! Look at you learning how to spell! I'm so proud of how hard you are working on sounding out words!"

I can see her feeling good when I say "Guys! I love how you are playing together so nicely and taking turns with the markers."

I can see her pride when I say "I can't wait to wear this necklace/bracelet thingy that you made!"

I can see her confidence growing when I say "Thank you so much for getting ready by yourself! You did the buttons, you got your shoes on, you washed your hands and brushed your teeth! Think about all those things you did on your own when I had to do them for you just a little bit ago! You are such a capable young lady."

The older the kiddos get, the more they will be venturing outside of our home. I can't shelter them from the difficulties and challenges of the world.  But I can do my best to equip them with a positive sense of self and a safe, loving, comforting home to return to. And I'll work hard to tell them that.

xoxo Phae

A Little Obsessed.

This sewing hobby of mine is getting out of control. Not that I'm going to do anything to cut back, but I have just been in the zone so much that other things are falling down on the priority list. Things like "paying attention to my children" and "home cleanliness"... those aren't THAT important, right?

I love browsing blog tutorials, and I just keep adding to my list of sewing projects. Here's what I have so far. And hopefully when I type it out it will make me STOP LOOKING AT MORE TUTORIALS OF SUPER CUTE THINGS TO MAKE.

1. Finish my 2nd shift dress, which I'm making out of a super-themey harvest-colored flower print. I'm making it out of a thicker stretch knit and added longer sleeves so I can wear it for Thanksgiving. I need to move the pockets (I measured where to place them but somehow they ended up weirdly low so I need to move them up, grr), finish the neckline and hem it. It's so interesting working with the same pattern/tutorial but with different fabrics. It feels so different than the same dress I made with the batik woven. Bonus: The knit version is stretchy enough not to need a zipper! Have I mentioned that I love learning a new skill??

 

2. Matching PJ pants for the boys. Daddy was so jealous of Max's that he wants a pair. He picked some gray flannel with a fishing design.

Check out the tight spiral on my imaginary football, yo

 








3. A slouchy bag for my aunt - I'm going to use this tutorial. I haven't picked out all the fabrics yet but I DID pick out this super awesome button with a coffee mug on it (shh, don't tell!)
4. Infinity scarves for Christmas gifts following this tutorial from my current blog crush Merrick. She is tots amazing. And so is her and Leanne's online sewing course that everyone should do. I made a scarf already with some knit and it was very easy:

Plus its easy to add my "xoxo Phae" tags to them which are so awesome

5. A baby dress for a close friend - I've already bought the most adorable corduroy!
6. A baby blanket for another close friend - haven't chosen the fabric here. They are a unique couple and so I want to find some unique fabric to match their personality!
7. I would love to make a copycat of my Pascha dress, but in a thicker black fabric with some texture. Ideally I want to wear it for Christmas Liturgy but if I'm being realistic, that is not going to happen with the aformentioned other projects!!!!

Christ is Risen!

SELF: stop looking at tutorials. Just stop.

(But you know you're not going to.)

xoxo Phae

Creating

You know how when you're pregnant, there's suddenly a whole lot more pregnant ladies out there?  Of course, you're just suddenly more aware because it's suddenly on the forefront of your mind. So, lately I've been doing some introspection. Maybe because of the new year... I don't like to admit that I conform to secular traditions like resolutions, but there is something wonderful about new beginnings.  Fresh page, clean slate, blank space...and I'll write your name (ok ok, I digress.)

Anyway, so my introspection showed me that I was kind of jealous of Husband because he is currently working on a project to build us a storage shed in the backyard.  And he is often spending his time on house projects that you can SEE and TOUCH when they're finished, and they last...  I realized I spend my time on things that are near-instantly destroyed or consumed: a tidy living room; clean, folded clothing; nutritious, 5-star-restaurant quality meals...

And then this happened. My clever, creative aunt posted this gem on FB, and my wise father (a professional artist) posted this response:

And then this happened. I was randomly looking at my Google calendar (that I never look at) and saw these tasks that I made for myself a long time ago (2012???):

At least we've gone to the museum & zoo.

Growing up with an artist father meant that my childhood and teenage years were filled with the availability of all kind of art supplies, and the encouragement to use them. We used to work on so many projects that are some of my favorite memories: making beads and miniature scenes out of Sculpey clay. Weaving scarves on a child-sized loom. Making super intricate magazine-cut-out collages to hang in my room. Decorating Pysanky eggs at Pascha.  And for some reason (oh, I don't know, working on a Chemical Engineering degree, caring for 2 small children round the clock, just some guesses) in my adulthood I've gotten out of the habit of creating things. And it felt like I was missing something. 

So I've made a few things lately.  They didn't get eaten, and they didn't get muddy tracks all over them. It feels wonderful! It feels right. There's a sense of accomplishment and pride and happiness and joy. The process is soothing and joyful and exciting, and the end product is (hopefully) useful. I even got to use math and optimization on one of the sewing projects. YES! Win, win, everywhere.

can I fit more pieces with the long side on the x or y axis?

God willing I'll continue this streak of creating, and I will actually have a hobby!

P.S. If we are FB friends, sorry/not sorry about posting pictures of all these new creations of mine.

What have YOU created lately?

Letter to a Role Model: Papou

Yesterday was my Papou's 80th birthday. He's my dad's dad, he came to the U.S. from Greece when he was 15 to go to school, and he is truly the kind of role model I am lucky to have. Reaching a big milestone like an 80th birthday is a perfect time to reflect on the impact someone has had in your life. So, here I am, reflecting.  One of my favorite things about growing up is having the privelege of getting to know the adults in your life, as an adult yourself.  In childhood, we idolize our parents and grandparents.  For me, I always thought that Papou, the engineer, was really good at driving trains....

Petros Papas: he doesn't always carry paint buckets, but when he does, he does it with a smile

Here is a distilled list of qualities about my grandfather that I would like to emulate throughout my life.

1. His passion for life-long learning.  Even into late adulthood, especially after his retirement, he's known to sit in his office working out differential equations, reading about new technologies, and keeping his mind sharp. 
2. He is dedicated to his faith in God in an ongoing way.  I never realized until I was an adult how faithfully he attends services at St. Michael's Orthodox Church in Greensburg, PA, and how faithfully he serves on different committees, helps out with events, and fills any need the church community may have.  It doesn't have to be in a capacity that he is familiar with either - he just steps up to help in a prayerful, humble way - counting on the Big Guy to fill in the gaps.
3. His patient, caring, sacrificial love for his wife.  I can only try my best to give of myself so much to my husband over the next decades.  The love is obvious to anyone who witnesses them together.
4. His ability to stay active even into maturity.  He always did "calisthenics" (his words, not mine) as an adolescent and young adult, and now he routinely goes on walks around his neighborhood to stay fit, mobile, and agile at his age.  This, I'm confident, contributes greatly to his quality of life!
5. Papou is the patriarch of a family of engineers.  Several of us chose that profession, likely because of an inspiration seeded by his enthusiasm for engineering, math and science.  See #1.

If I make it to my 80th birthday, if I've been able to mimic Papou in the above attributes just a little bit, then I would say I've had a pretty successful life on this earth. 

May all of you be inspired to live your whole life well!

xoxo Phae