Letter to a Role Model: Mike Feaga the 33 Year Old (or) Happy Birthday,Husband! (or) 10 Reasons Why I Love You

Tomorrow is Mike's 33th birthday! My love, my soul mate, my ginger. To celebrate, I will honor him on social media, the only true way to express love to your spouse.

Dear Michael,

Happy birthday! I am so grateful for you in my life. You constantly challenge me to be a better, cooler, more productive and giving human being. This challenge stems mainly from trying to keep up with how great, cool, productive, and giving YOU are. Since you love lists so much (This shirt is NOOOT black) here are ten reasons, in no order of importance, why you should have a happy birthday.

1. You're an amazing daddy. Yesterday when I was fixing dinner and was telling the kids to "stop bickering and just be nice to each other" (super effective.) you swooped in and took them outside to plant seeds and distract them from fighting. You always know how to switch gears when the tension is high and I can't get myself in the right state of mind.

2. Sexiest. Redhead. Alive.

3. You somehow manage to avoid the grips of social media with your iron will and headstrong opposition to it, and encourage me to do the same. Maybe someday you'll succeed.

4. You are the cutest farmer in all the land. This is just the latest example of your desire for lifelong learning, and it is such a pleasure to watch you work the soil and discover new things with child-like wonder and amazement.

5. You always read non-fiction. Somehow 10 hours a day at an engineering job isn't enough exercise for your smart, smart brain. Because "I like to break a mental sweat, too." This past year you read ONE fiction book. My challenge to you in your 33rd year is to read TWO fiction books. Can you do it??

6. You know how to make me feel beautiful even when I am a huge pregnant whale. MAJOR HUSBAND WIN!

7. You have single-handedly taught me how to budget, how to love a budget, and even how to make budgeting fun.

8. Our joint desire for "the simple life" -  your awareness and help in protecting our precious time from too many activities, social commitments, and too much travel.

9. You are able to set the tone for our whole household with your strong, quiet, hardworking nature. Weekends spent working in the garage and in the garden are relaxing yet productive, challenging yet fun, simple yet complex. You show us (your whole family) by your example what it is to truly live this life humbly and beautifully.

10. I love dreaming with you. The current dream of owning a winery/brewery is such an exciting and cool prospect! I love how you are dreamy but practical at the same time. You're simply the best.

Happiest Jesus birthday to the love of my life. God grant you many more years!

xoxo Philo

Parenting Post: Kind Words

I've been doing a parenting experiment lately.

Well, isn't all of parenting one big experiment, with the number of data points equal to the number of children you have, and all of the input variables constantly changing, and certainly not double-blind, and therefore you never really know whether or not your results are credible?

Anyway. This particular experiment is one where I have been choosing to go out of my way to build up the children's confidence and sense of self-worth. I use words as often as I can to tell them amazing, wonderful things about their person. I praise their positive behaviors, I tell them how beautiful and adorable they are, but most of all I just try to tell them I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

This experiment is difficult for me for a few reasons:
1. When teaching small humans about life, a lot of times you have to tell them what NOT to do (i.e. using negative language. I know there are tactics for "redirecting" like if kids are running, instead of saying "Don't run" you can say "Please walk", but that doesn't work in some situations.)
2. Although Words Of Affirmation is my love language for receiving love, I actually find it challenging to express love this way. There is some kind of a thick barrier between my brain and my mouth so I just think "I am so proud of Zoe for sticking with that project until the end, that showed such mature perseverance", and then stop there. My natural tendency isn't to push past the barrier and actually say it. So in order to execute my experiment, I have to get out of my comfort zone, register that these thoughts are occurring, and take the time to say them to my children.

So, I've been working on it. By no means am I perfect at it, and some days are better than others. Some days you just have to be negative all day long: "Can I have candy?" "no." "Can I have candy now?" "no." "But I really want candy" "NO."

But:

I can see the way her eyes light up and her sweet mouth curls into a smile when I squat down, look into her eyes and say in an almost-whisper "Z, can I tell you something? I love you so much. You are my favorite little girl on the whole planet. You are wonderful and kind and I love you so much."

I can see her feeling smart when I say "Z! Look at you learning how to spell! I'm so proud of how hard you are working on sounding out words!"

I can see her feeling good when I say "Guys! I love how you are playing together so nicely and taking turns with the markers."

I can see her pride when I say "I can't wait to wear this necklace/bracelet thingy that you made!"

I can see her confidence growing when I say "Thank you so much for getting ready by yourself! You did the buttons, you got your shoes on, you washed your hands and brushed your teeth! Think about all those things you did on your own when I had to do them for you just a little bit ago! You are such a capable young lady."

The older the kiddos get, the more they will be venturing outside of our home. I can't shelter them from the difficulties and challenges of the world.  But I can do my best to equip them with a positive sense of self and a safe, loving, comforting home to return to. And I'll work hard to tell them that.

xoxo Phae